Sunday, April 10, 2011


I can tie my hair in a knot.  Pull it back, twist and pull through.  My friend is coming to town this week and is going to give me a trim.  We went to a 1 hour class on how to cut boys hair one time, a couple of years ago, and she became my go to hair cut lady.  Don't try to find the logic in that, your head will explode.

In times of stress I don't sleep well.  It turns out getting rid of many of my beloved quilts and making my room cooler helps me mostly stay asleep when I finally fall asleep.  Good to know.

In those times I need a change, I feel like I should do something drastic, something bold and different and not quite out of character but out of comfortable.

I am the lead at my job.  I don't work Sundays, but I accept work calls on Sundays.  My boss was out sick today and staff needed some clarification in order to meet looming deadlines.  One staff member made a part for our production, but another staff member said they were too small and would be unworkable.  I told him to use them anyway.

When I was a kid, my parents saved money by buying us kids shoes a size too large.  That way the shoes would be worn out before they were out grown.  I remember the first time my parents bought me shoes that were the right size.  I didn't like them.  They didn't fit the way I was used to.  There was no play in them, and my toes were alarmingly close to the toe of the shoe.  I told my parents that I didn't like them, they were the wrong size.  My dad told me that they were the right size and I would get used to them.

My conversation with the staff member that wanted to used different items for out production reminded me of that incident.

Sometimes in life we add extra padding or wear things a size too big and when things come along that fit we don't recognize them, we don't like them, we are alarmingly close to the edge of our sphere, sometimes we are told, in essence, to suck it up.  Other times we watch the foreign fit go by.

In times of stress I don't sleep well, I need a change, I need to do something drastic.  I do nothing.  My focus becomes the only thing I can control, the fastest way to change.  It's probably a flight response but I feel like change or explode.  Move.  Leave.  Change.  Do.  I can't really move or leave, I do not have skills that will easily land me a benefited job.  I don't want to be that far from family.  I also lack the courage.  I lack the courage for a lot of things. So I focus on instant change.  Cutting my hair short.

I can tie my hair in a knot.  Pull back, twist and pull through.  My friend will give me a trim while she is in town.  After this hair cut, I will still probably be able to tie my hair in a knot.